Pink Sky

You broke my walls that I've built up from my past,
yet you can't come in.
Not that I don't want you to, but you are bound by faithfulness.
Don't come any closer, I'm starting to think of the forbidden thoughts.

I'm writing this under the pink sky,
reminiscing our short yet sweet memories.
Holding myself not to cry,
as I listen to your old symphonies.

Trying to convince myself that it was nothing.
Then I thought again, perhaps it's just me.
Me and my wishful thinking.
Because in the end, it was never meant to be.

Perhaps God is just showing me
that it's possible to love again
even in the most unexpected time and place,
even when I refuse to admit.

As we waved goodbye,
there was a sadness in our eyes.
Only in that moment I realized
that this feeling is hard to compromise.

I don’t mind that you’re not mine.
Just promise that you will always remember me,
as I will always remember you.

 

xo, Jo

2014: Year in Review

 

Happy belated Christmas!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your beloved ones and had your wishes come true.

I can’t believe this is the last day of December and even more mind-blowing that this is the last day of 2014.

Looking back, it’s been an adventurous year with all the good and not-so-good experience mashing up together.

I remember I had a rough 2013, which is why at the beginning of 2014, I told myself “you know what, I’m in charge of my happiness and I’mma start focusing on myself now.”

So that’s what I did.

Taking that first step was hard, I almost forgot how to be “selfish”. I’m not trying to brag that I’m the most selfless person on this earth, but I used to care so much for every single thing, or every single person, and most of the time, for the wrong people and forgetting about myself.

However, I find myself to be more spontaneous and carefree this year, and it feels damn good. I’ve always been a planner. I plan out everything beforehand and things should go the way I plan otherwise I’d be upset. But I managed to let go this part of me, not all though, because some things are really need to be planned, and I’ve become less rigid.

This explains the impromptu travels, blind dates (yes omg, can you believe it) and generally not giving a damn of what other people think. Some say that this is being ignorant, but hey, ignorance is a bliss.

Oh, I think I have not shared that my name is on the acknowledgement page of a book. It’s my previous boss’ book that I had been helping with earlier this year and this is one of my greatest achievements so far.

So yes, I got a new job this year. Not exactly my dream job but I get to meet a bunch (and I mean a BUNCH) of new people. I also started taking Chinese class again and joined a few interest groups. I’m happy to say that I can call some of the new people I’ve met this year good friends of mine now.

I’m still an introvert though, although I can be the most extroverted person among the introverts. I’ve been working on it and actually I have seen an improvement this year.

I’ve let go of the past that I had been holding on to for too long and I’m not taking the what-ifs and all the “we’ll see”s seriously anymore, because I know they’re just false hopes and hell no, I’m not waiting for anyone or anything to come my way anymore, ain’t nobody got time for that!

On a different note, I’m also very happy that two of my good friends from Uni have gotten married this year. Funny thing is that both of them are the ones who had very little dating experience and ended up with their first bf/gf. I’m expecting some offspring next year and I can’t wait to hold them in my hands.

Again, on a random note, I’m still keeping my hair short this year and I think I prefer it this way. You know what they say, short hur don’t currrrr.

That was my update for this whole year. Overall it’s been a good year, especially that I get to make new good friends from different places.

Main lesson from 2014 and previous years:

Don’t depend your happiness on anything or anyone, because if that thing or that person leaves, he/she/it will take the happiness from you. Be your own happiness.

I hope next year is just as good or even better. Can’t wait for the new adventures and experience in 2015!

Having said this, I wish you a very happy new year! May joy, happiness and blessings be always with you.

Have a great New Year’s Eve everyone! Stay safe and take care <3

 

xo, Jo

We were built to fall apart (#TT148)

Hello lovelies! 

Have you listened to Taylor Swift's "Out of The Woods"? It has some pretty interesting lyrics which many claim as somewhat confusing. But somehow to me personally, I can relate to the song. It's about that state in a relationship that you're not sure where it's going to. It can be scary, it can be exhausting, but it can be exciting as well. 

"Out of The Woods" is not a single. Instead, Taylor released her latest single "Welcome to New York" today. Stay tuned for next week's post!

On a different note, I find that my music playlist nowadays is a little different than usual - LOTS of catchy DJ songs. I think I just want to listen to something that makes me wanna dance and forget about the world a.k.a work, people's attitudes, judgments, struggles to fit in, and "friends". Being in my own zone and not thinking about what other people think is just awesome. SHAKE IT OFF BABY!

Below is just a taste of my current diverse playlist. So shall we dance together? :)

Have a great week ahead!

xo, Jo

Love finds you (#TT143)

Hello lovelies!

Can we just stop doing everything and listen to this song for a while? It gives hope for the broken hearted. 

I know people make promises all the time

Then they turn right around and break them

When someone cuts your heart open with a knife, now you're bleeding

But I could be that guy to heal it over time

And I won't stop until you believe it

'Cause baby you're worth it

[Chorus:]

So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me

'Cause you might look around and find your dreams come true, with me

Spent all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free

So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, me

It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me, me

"Yes baby, I'm bleeding. Please heal me."

That was my first official response to this song. The lyrics are simply HOPE. 

Then I went to watch the video on YouTube, and I really didn't expect to watch a love documentary. Watching this gave me that warm fuzzy feeling inside, until a part came when a couple said "love finds you". I don't know why, but it just hit me and I swear I almost teared. 

Probably because my underground mission now is to find love. These three words simply tell you (well, me) not to rush because without you knowing, love is on its way to find you. There will be a time when it finally finds you and all the wait becomes so worth it.  

I have to admit that I create stories a lot in my head on a regular basis of a possible happy ending. My happy ending. Every time when I start to think "this part of storyline is impossible to happen", I told myself "well, that's the point. Since it's not gonna happen, you can just let it exist in your daydream." I know, I know, I mind-talk to myself a lot. Lol

Anyways, I think this song will be my theme song for the next.. Well, until love really finds me. 

I've discovered one strange thing. While I'm getting prone to be emotional these days (screw hormonal imbalance, I might need to check with a doctor), I find that my resistance of pain is somehow getting stronger. Probably I'm like a shattered glass, it's already broken, so how more broken can it get, right?

In fact, I'm more drawn to things that may possibly hurt me. In this case, what Gotye says can really be applied "you can get addicted to certain kind of sadness." It's oddly true.

So that's it for this week. Just one song. Well, I do listen to a lot of songs these days, thanks to Spotify (found my love for Ariana Grande and Chinese songs lol), but I dedicate this post to this one song only. 

If you're interested, you can find me on Spotify under "limjoanna"

Thanks for reading and caring.

xo, Jo

Undergoing love rehab (#TT141)

Comfortable like an old sweater
Memorable, you just can't forget her him
Starting over is the hardest thing to do

History has a way of repeating
Eventually we'll just do the same thing
Starting over is impossible with you

So don't pick up anymore
When I call you up
Cause it's the beginning
Of a bad idea
A bad idea

Loneliness has a way of magnifying this
Feeling that I'm still not, no I'm not over you

So don't pick up anymore
When I call you up
Cause it's the beginning
Of a bad idea
A bad idea

I'm still in love with you
Guess I'll love you from a distance

xo, Jo

Keep on keeping on (#TT139)

 Hello lovelies!

Can we just take a moment and appreciate that this song exists? I was feeling so turned off by the current hit songs nowadays. From J-Lo's "I Luh Ya Papi" (seriously, what?) to Katy Perry's "Dark Horse" (very disappointing), I was just sick of all of them! This is partly why I didn't post a TT post last week, because honestly I didn't have anything to post. At the end I just listed out several underground acoustic songs which I LOVE for today's post, but well, thanks to Travie McCoy and Panic! At The Disco's lead singer hottie, Brendon Urie, the acoustic post has to wait till next week!

You gotta keep on keeping on
Even with the feeling
That you're gonna keep losing

You gotta come back strong

Oh Oh
You gotta keep on keeping on

Even with the feeling

That you're gonna keep losing

You gotta come back strong

Oh Oh

This song applies to many situations that we encounter in life. Anything that makes us feel like giving up. To me personally, it reminds me not to give up on love and relationship. The right time will come one day *fingers crossed*. And so do you. Don't give up on something that you've always wished for.

Have a good week ahead!

xo, Jo

Say something, I’m giving up on you (TT#138)

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Hello lovelies!

I’m quite late in discovering these 2 great songs but will post them anyway because I like them! Especially the first one that I can relate to.

Giving up or letting go of something that you’ve been holding on to is hard.. but perhaps better things will come after you do? I sure hope so.. I’d like to believe it that way.

Anyways, moving on to a happier song. It’s so catchy and will really lift up your mood =)

Have a nice week ahead!

xo, Jo

Daydreaming all the time (#TT130)

One of my bucket lists: to travel to a foreign land with my bff(s)

New favorite band!

Who misses PLL?? I know I do! A LOT.

2AM Club never fails to impress me. Maybe once with their “Miley Cyrus” song (no bias), but that was just one and only time.

Daydreaming has been my favorite past time activity but I’ve been doing it a lot more lately.

Probably I get sick of things around me. My room, my job, the people around me, this city, and most often, sick of being sad of a broken relationship I can’t save and being lonely in general.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful of what I have. I have a great family and friends back home who love me very much, as well as other things that make me feel blessed. I just want a change. I’m sick of this whole routine, which is weird because I’ve never complained about routines, but I guess I’m just bored of being stable, you know?

I’m at this stage of my life where I wanna see the other sides of the world, learn and see new things, go out of my comfort zone. Being a young graduate who has a stable job is great of course, many people can’t even find one. Then perhaps several more years down the road I’d get married and have kids, then probably continue working from home. That’s the common life story that people always expect right?

I don’t know how my life story would end up, but I definitely want to make good use of my early 20’s not to just get a good job that pays well, but more importantly the life experiences that I’ve been longing for. I have never done an internship nor work part-time before. This job I have is my very first job and it’s full-time. Isn’t it crazy? All my life has always been focused on academic stuff only. My resume is full of certificates but zero experience.

So I’ve been thinking lately that I wanna go somewhere to have a work + travel trip for at least a month in a foreign country. Somewhere I’ve never been before where I don’t know anybody. So yeah, if you know any good websites please let me know. So far the sites I’ve come across only accept US or UK passport holders.

Wow, I just puked everything out right there. It feels good to share about this though. I’ve never shared this to anyone yet.

I feel I’m getting more and more adventurous these days. I’ve tried a few new things and I can’t wait to try out even more, especially travelling.

I will continue my daydreaming as usual, paired with relevant actions, I’m sure I’ll make it somewhere.

xo, Jo the dreamer

Grateful Things of The Day #7

Oops.. My initial plan to post this every single day has failed haha. So I guess I'll just do it every now and then whenever I remember to do one ;)

Today, or lately, I've been grateful for:

1. The ability to keep smiling despite the difficult times

2. My friends

3. The opportunity to go for a casting for short films

4. The new people that I've met this week

5. My faith

6. The will to move on

What are you grateful for today?

xo, Jo

Grateful Things of The Day #6

1. A sweet video by Style Haul on YouTube.

2. Friends who texted me first to tell their problems or just to ask how I've been doing.

3. My family! They came today for my brother's graduation next Monday.

4. Good meals that I had today.

5. Ability to control my emotions.

What are you grateful for today?

Goodnight!

Xo, Jo

Grateful Things of The Day #5

1. A tweet that made me go on Youtube to find JoJo's 2004 album playlist. Felt so nostalgic! I loved that album. I could see my 13 year old-self jamming beside my boombox in my room and memorizing the lyrics of each song. Good times.

2. Running to catch the train with my colleague AGAIN. It was kind of fun :)

3. 'Two of a Kind' series! Found the entire season on Youtube the other day and I've been watching it whenever I have time at home :) It was one of my favorite shows as a kid! I remember I tried to do my hair just like the Olsen twins on the show hehe.

What are you grateful for today?

Oh, surprisingly I didn't feel like it's a Friday and thus not so overly excited about it haha.

Goodnight!

xo, Jo

 

Grateful Things of The Day #4

Today I'm grateful for:

1. Healthy dinner (yay!).

2. Good chat with my bffs.

3. Being reunited with someone special.

What are you grateful for today?

Xo, Jo

Grateful Things of The Day #3

Today I'm grateful for:

1. Great dinner and quality time with friends.

2. Increased paycheck last month!

3. Minor period pain and good health.

What are you grateful for today?

Xo, Jo

Grateful Things of The Day #2

There wasn't anything special happened today. However, I'm still grateful for:

1. The extra sleeping time before I got up this morning.

2. The good book that accompanied me during my travels

3. The fact that I wasn't really starving when I reached home with empty stomach.

Hope you had a great day today!

xo, Jo

One day.. (#TT125)

Hello lovelies!

Lately I’ve been surrounded things related to one of the most beautiful things in life. Yes, weddings.

The fact that some of my friends are getting married, or even bearing their first child inevitably make me think of how my future wedding will look like. But most importantly, who I’m going to marry with.

I know I’m not gonna get married anytime soon. I still have so many things that I want to accomplish in life as a single. When one of my goals is to be a mom, that’s when I feel that I’m mentally ready to tie the knot.

It’s kind of scary to think about it. Will I make the right choice? Will my partner and I be able to go through all the problems in marriage life together as a strong couple? All I can do now is just to have faith that I will someday be with a man of my dreams and live a happy life together forever.

A couple of my favorite Youtubers just posted their wedding videos and they’re beautiful.

The first one is what I call it as my dream wedding. From the beginning till the end, everything looks perfect.

But this one is the one that made me cry so hard. I want a love like this. Is it too much to ask?

Beautiful, weren’t they? I can watch it over and over again.

Normally wedding songs are not so much about catchy tunes, but Jason Derulo and Kelly Clarkson have changed that. Enjoy!

For those of you who are married and reading this post, I wish you all a blessed marriage life and I shall join you all one day :)

xo, Jo

Grateful Things of The Day #1

1. Able to help a stranger buying a train ticket.

2. Yoga teacher that reminded her students to list down 3 things that we feel grateful for everyday.

3. A text from a good old friend.

4. Went home early from work.

5. Package received today.

6. TheFineBros YouTube video that cracked me up.

7. Spare time and energy to read a book and play the Electone.

These are more like "good things of the day" so I might change it along the way. I will try to post daily before bed as this will help me to be more grateful in life :)

Hope I can be consistent with this as I've been wanting to do this for a while now.

Well, goodnight for now!

XO, Jo

I wonder..

How strong can love be? 

I know it can make people do stupid things that they might or might not regret later on, but can love alone overcome other factors that also matter to us?

Growing up (TT#111)

Hey lovelies!

Let’s talk about growing up..

There are benefits and disadvantages of being a grown up, I think the following songs may explain some of them.

My sk8ter gurl is back!!! She never gets old ;) Love Avril!

The punk version of Avril’s song. 10 years back she would have done it this way! Love the little “Complicated” medley ;) Purrrrfect!

Two of my favorite songs off Paramore self-titled album!

Can’t stop listening to this <3

Love the gospel feel of this song!

So Avril’s song and Paramore’s may contradict each other in this case. But I’m not on either side, in fact I’m on BOTH sides. As an adult, we need to make decisions on our own, take risks, be responsible, and overall take control of our life. But it’s true that sometimes it sucks to be a grown up. The stress, the complicated things and at these moments you would wish that you had never grown up because being a kid is WAY much easier. You just need to stress about what to play! Lol. I gotta admit that I miss being a kid and not giving a damn about anything. But I know when my parents started dictating or restricting me from things, I’d say “I’m not a kid anymore!” Haha. Dilemma indeed.

Well, since we can’t turn back the time, we just need to deal with it. Being an adult is awesome too. We can do what kids can’t do *troll-face* XD

Hope you’re having a great week!

xo, Jo

Happy 2013! (TT #97)

Hello guys!!

Long time no post, I know. First of all, I’d like to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas as well. Mine was.. interesting.., not in a good way though. We’ll get to that part in a bit.

Let’s see what I have in my basket for this very first TT of the year!

A different style from Blink 182!

VE continued pursuing their change in sound as well, from alternative rock to power pop!

Uh oh, 1D’s new video! It looks silly at first, but later on I started to understand that that’s the theme itself lol.

New indie emerging band that I just came across. Reminds me of Matt and Kim :) I even think this band has a higher degree of originality! Love it!

What do you think of the playlist?

So, let’s have a quick recap of my Christmas and New Year.

I had been sick since a week before Christmas and when I thought I was getting better, the otherwise occurred.

My parents came to visit me and my brother in Singapore. I had a lot of plans in my mind and at the end I just stayed in the hotel for the whole time. I started vomiting, though I made it to Christmas Eve mass.

My face was bloated, I guess due to medicine’s complications. I basically took too much medications and every time I took them I just threw everything up. After getting back from church, my parents took me to the hospital. I was hospitalized.

And that’s where I spent my Christmas Eve at.

In the morning I pretty much begged the doctor to let me go home, since I had a flight waiting for me in the afternoon.

Didn’t take any pics at the hospital except this quick shot of my bro holding my present at my ward hehe.

I was thinking, “great, nothing goes right for this Christmas, every plan is ruined”, but as soon as I reached home and saw our little Christmas tree, I felt there’s still a tiny bit of Christmas spirit in my heart. My parents and I exchanged our gifts before the clock passed 12 midnight.

In the morning of  New Year’s Eve, my best friends came over for a late Christmas gift exchange. I will do a haul for my Christmas presents on the next post :)

I spent the New Years with a couple of my aunts at home. But I got sleepy after dinner, so I took a nap and woke up at 11:55 PM. Haha! The noise of fireworks was my alarm and I made it for the countdown. On the New Year’s day I only had lunch with the fam, together with my other aunts and grandmom.

So that was my out-of-plan-yet-memorable year-end holiday.

How was yours?

This holiday I’ve learned that the more I want something to be perfect, the easier it will get to be ruined. I thought too much about getting the right presents and doing the “fun” stuff that made me ill at the end. Nonetheless, although my holiday was far from perfect, at least I learned something from it.

I’m still in my hometown since I needed to go back and forth to the hospital for a check-up. I wasted my flight last Sunday and I realized that I have wasted A LOT of my dad’s money as well :(

I don’t make any resolutions for this year. I did  accomplish some of the last year’s, but I’ve failed many of them too. So if I were to make a resolution, I guess it would be to take care of my health better than before. Without health, everything will be useless. I don’t want to pressurize myself as well and definitely don’t want to make myself disappointed. So I guess I’m just gonna let everything flow by itself. Who knows that I might accomplish something unplanned, right?

Have a wonderful year, everyone!

xo, Jo

My Drinking Dilemma: Asian Glow

“Whoa, you’re so red!”

This is what people’s reaction would be after I take my first glass or bottle of alcohol. I’ve lived with it, but it hinders me of taking more since people would be afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get up of my chair after seeing a bolied sunburned look on my face.

I had my first alcohol when I was 15 (yes, it’s illegal, sshhh) and I know that I was one of those that drank the least in highschool just because I couldn’t cope with the aftermath: giddiness, racing heartbeat, and of course, the blushing.

After several years of occasional drinking, I don’t get so much of giddiness anymore, but still couldn’t get rid of the blushing. I know when I’m about to blush as I can feel when the blood starts going up to my face and I’ll feel feverish.

After a quick research, I came to know that the reason of this flush is because I seem to suffer from aldehyde dehydrogenase enzyme deficiency that leads to a much slower process for the alcohol to be metabolized and thus, flushing and other discomforts occur. I don’t know whether this is related, but I also have a problem with digestive/gastric enzyme which basically prohibits me from eating too fast and skipping meals because I will get terrible stomach ache. My body is just slow in everything!

Anyways, I feel embarrassed and self-conscious of this whole situation. I will get blotchy on my cheeks, my eyes will look even smaller and red spots will crawl to my arms and thighs. I need to reject the offer when it comes to drinking with “new people” because I don’t want to show them my Asian glow, although I’d love to drink with them. Either way, I feel like a loser. Weird.

Many of my friends don’t have this thing, though I know that it occurs to most East Asians. It’s genetic, they say. I guess it’s from my dad since I never really saw my mom get a red face. I know I’m not alone and after reading some online discussions, some non-Asians also have the same experience, which somehow makes me feel better. I also found that some Asians take certain over-the-counter medications in prior to drinking sessions to minimize the Asian glow. I might search for some similar ones in where I live.

I know I’m not a drinking queen, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t handle a couple of drinks.What people mostly don’t get is that what I feel inside of my body is not the same as what it looks like outside, and it bothers me. Yes, I look like a pouched lobster, but trust me, I’m really okay!!!

I guess this passage from The Kitchn passes the message rather loud and clear:

“So should you find yourself drinking with an Asian friend who isn't so lucky, remember there's no need to tell her she is red. Her burning-hot face, pounding heart and creeping nausea have already told her everything she needs to know. She's red — so what?”

Thank you.

xo, Jo